Couples Having Trouble Talking About Money
How do you handle finances in your household?
Does one partner handle the checkbook, or do you collectively manage the bills and investments? It’s important to be aware of how you manage your finances, where you learned it, and why you are managing your finances the way you are.
Generally, a lot of us have many financial goals. When you think about your household, what are some goals you are trying to accomplish that require money? For example, buying a new washer and dryer or buying a new car; are goals that require you to spend money. I want you to write all those goals down. Once it’s out on paper, ask yourself-- have I had a conversation with my partner about the personal financial goals that I want to accomplish?
Do you know what your partner earns?
A study shows only 46% of couples know what their partner earns and how much income they bring in. I must ask, why are we not having conversations about money in our households? The foundation of building wealth, especially within a partnership, has a great deal to do with communication.
Spending, Sharing, and Investing: Are you and your partner on track with how you manage finances?
For example, early on in my marriage, my wife and I had a financial goal that we were both interested in-- buying our first home-- we had the communication and a plan but fell short on the money. We agreed to both reevaluate our spending habits. We started by assessing our spending habits and getting rid of anything unnecessary, the things that were preventing us from accomplishing our goal. What we decided was to save her salary and live off mine. If you communicate with your partner about the goals you want to accomplish, make a plan and an agreement, it’s easier to knock those goals out because you are working together. Not only does that one goal become easier to accomplish, but suddenly other goals are easier to reach as well. For many relationships, money is a point of contention within the partnership, but it doesn’t have to be if there is open and honest communication about it.
Generally, as a couple, you have an advantage. The advantage is you have two salaries in your household vs. being single and having only one source of income. You live in the same house, share a bedroom, meals, and taxes; so meeting your future goals will be easier if you can live together off one salary. The disadvantage is that if you do not communicate about your finances and financial plans, it could become disruptive to your goals and your relationship. Once resentment builds, it becomes unbalanced and frustrating.
Our ability to consolidate wages has less to do with our financial knowledge and more to do with our habits. I want to pose the following questions: how much of your salary are you actually living off? Have you and your partner talked about reducing your living expenses down to one income and saving or investing the other one? What needs to happen to make this a possibility?
If we are not open with our partners, then there’s no pathway to financial freedom. Without communication, there is no organization within the household; you and your partner may find yourselves working towards two different goals that neither person is aware of. If you and your significant other are on different pages financially, you are bound to go in different directions in spending and life, which will only cause long-term disagreements.
However, It is essential that you do not share all of your money as partners. Having an open conversation about the financial goals that you want to accomplish separately and together is important, but having individual accounts will help you both maintain a sense of autonomy and independence.
You may have 5 financial goals you’re trying to achieve, but you may not have all the resources, or the money to reach said goals, and that’s okay. You’re going to want to label those goals in order of importance. Your partner may have similar goals, but they could be in a different order. How can you manage that without communication?
As I send you off with this information, there are a few things I want you to do. I encourage you to find out what your partner earns and have an open line of communication about money habits. Then share with them your individual financial goals, have them share their goals with you. Once you’ve done that, I want you to write the goals down, label them and rate them in order of importance. Lastly, I want you to see if any of your goals match. If they do, I want you to focus on that one goal. Ignore the others for now and develop a plan to reach that goal and a time frame to accomplish it. Your quality of life will increase drastically after having this conversation. Teamwork always makes the dream work!
